Where's Nemo?
by GirlOnFire84
Summary: Crack-fic. Super OOC!. I seriously think I was on something. Well it's good for a laugh.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything '****tear'**

**A/N: boredom + 1 am + mountain dew + a very weird conversation THIS **

**my apologies. **

Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting in the common room relaxing by the fire when Snape came busting through the portrait hole.

"You three" Snape yelled pointing at them "get off your asses and help me!"

The three of them looked at each other confused, Hermione finally spoke "umm...help you...with what...sir?" she stammered.

"NEMO...we've go to find Nemo!"

"What the hell is a Nemo?" Ron asked wide eyed

"COME ON...we can't waste any more time!" Snape yelled

Not wanting to anger the professor any more then he already was the three followed Snape down to the entrance hall where Draco Malfoy jumped out from behind a suit of armor "AH, HA...I have you now my little pretty!"

"Who are you calling little pretty?" Hermione asked hands on her hips

"ah shit!...sorry wrong person" Draco said irritably "well, while your here, Harry I got something for you" Draco reached into his robs and pulled out an old VHS tape with a worn out label on it but before he could give it to Harry, Hermione pointed her wand at it and blow it to pieces.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR HERMIONE?" Harry exclaimed

"Harry if you had watched that you would've died in 7 days!"

"What the hell are you talking about, that was my copy of Clue with Tim Curry that I let Malfoy barrow last week"

"Oh, sorry"

They left Malfoy behind and followed Snape into the great hall 'he was muttering something about Nemo being dead by the time they got to him' when they got to the staff table they found Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall rolling around on the floor, giggling madly and pointing at the ceiling. Snape, Harry, Ron and Hermione looked up in unison. Madam Hooch was flying around on her broom, waving her arms about and singing at the top of her lounges.

"With so much drama in the H-P  
It's kinda hard bein Hooch H-double-O-C-H  
But I, somehow, some way  
Keep comin up with funky ass shit like every single day  
May I, kick a little something for the QP's 'yeah'  
and, make a few ends as 'yeah!' I breeze, through  
Two in the mornin and the party's still jumpin  
cause Dumbledore ain't home..." she trailed off as she flew out the window.

"Well that was...odd" Hermione said

"Yea, I know, she usually doesn't start singing until around dinner time" Harry said

"LUPIN!" Snape shouted making Harry, Ron, and Hermione jump "Lupin might know where Nemo is"  
So they left the great hall running up the stairs to the DADA class room. As there ran down one of the corridors Gilderoy Lockhart came barreling out of the prefect's bathroom with nothing on but a way-too-small towel wrapped around his waist and soapy hair, he was being chased by about 10 or 12 girls. As he ran by he tossed a bottle at Snape and said "Mate, when it says use a DROP, you better just use a DROP!"  
Snape looked down at the black bottle with red writing 'AXE body wash'.

They reached the DADA classroom at last but when they walked in they saw an enormous hot tub sitting in the middle of the classroom.  
Lupin was in the hot tub leaning back with his arms and head resting on the side and cucumber slices over his eyes.  
"LUPIN!" Snape shouted "do you have Nemo in there with you?"  
Lupin sat up 'the pieces of cucumber falling into the water' "no, just Scarlet and Giselle...what the hell is a Nemo?" just then two women emerged from the water.  
"Scarlet..." Snape stammered but she slapped him across the face "I'm not sure I deserved that" he said and looked over to the other girl "...Giselle"  
Giselle's mouth fell open "why she do that?...how do you know her!?"  
"What?"Snape said, then she slapped him across the face too; hand on his cheek Snape looked at Lupin "I may have deserved that"  
"Why don't you go ask Hagrid" Lupin offered as he searched around in the water for his cucumber slices.

So now Snape, Harry, Ron and Hermione were headed for Hagrid's hut. When they reached it, they found Hagrid hiding in his garden. A ginger bread man, a wolf in a nightgown, three little pigs, and talking donkey were knocking on his door a few yards away.  
"Hagrid what are you doing?" Harry asked as he looked down to see three little white mice with canes and sunglasses bumping into a pumpkin.  
"Those nutters over there keep a call'in me Shrek and ask'in where Fiona is...I don't know no Fiona" Hagrid whispered" 'Harry do ya think you could get rid of 'um for me?"  
"We don't have time!" Snape cut in "we must find Nemo"  
"Nemo? Neville found him hours ago, went an put him in the lake he did" Hagrid said cheerfully

"WHAT!?...NO!" Snape screamed as he turned and ran for the lake. Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at each other, shrugged and ran after him.  
They reached a small pier at the edge of the lake. Snape ran down to the end and dramatically throw his arms out crying "STELLA!"  
"Now who the hell is Stella? I thought we were looking for Nemo?" Ron muttered  
As Snape turned his foot slipped and he fell into the water with a splash.

Wide eyed, Snape bolted up right in his bed. He was sweating and breathing hard, he looked around his room and sighed "it was just a dream...just a dream" he grabbed the bottle on his nightstand and tossed it into the garbage bin on the other side "no more tequila before bed!"  
He lay back on his pillow, turned and watched the tiny orange and white fish swim around in the small glass bowl on the nightstand for a few seconds before he closed his eyes and said "goodnight Nemo".

**Thanks for reading **


End file.
